Saturday, January 8, 2011

How To: The Mallory

Bobby and his pal we’re sitting at the Saloon, when a drunk on-looker decided to interrupt their conversation… on second thought, “interrupt” may not totally honor the on-looker’s actions. The conversation was more bombarded than interrupted. Drunk slurs, inaudible questions, all tones, all vowels, no consonants, the on-looker continued to badger Bobby, until Bobby decided to take matters into his own hands.

You see, Bobby knew there would be no end or conclusive means to ignoring the on-looker. You’ve been in this situation, have you not? You’re speaking with a PYT, or important person, and an outside mouth interjects themselves “all up in yo sh*t”, as they say. It’s tough, and because these interactions begin rudely, sometimes they rarely end civil. Bobby knew there was only one thing that could stop the on-looker from continuing to word vomit all over his once clean discussion with an old pal. Bobby knew it was time for The Mallory.

“Are you from Minnesota?”, Bobby asked the on-looker. The on-looker, befuddled by Bobby’s sudden genuine interest in him apart from the conversation, answered. Bobby then inquired, “Really, what are your plans for travel in the next few months? The on-looker, no longer befuddled, but enamored by the real attention directed his way, answered. Bobby wrapped, “You’ll have to excuse me. My friend and I haven’t seen each other in a long time, and we’re going to continue our conversation between the two of us. It was nice to meet you though.”

The on-looker, unoffended, simply awe-struck, and somewhat glowing from the bit of attention given him, kindly backed away. Bobby had pulled off a successful Mallory at the saloon that night.

There you are, dear reader. Life lesson in a jiff, handed down from the wisdom of a wise woman who wisely passed it along to Bobby, who passed it on to me, and I am now passing on to you. The catch is the honesty given the on-looker/interrupter/conversation-bombardier. Give someone your honest attention and then an honest withdrawal… and my friend, you have victoriously applied The Mallory.

Good luck and stay thirsty, my friends.

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